Living with IC/PBS

It’s been 2.5 years since my diagnosis, although the symptoms were there for close to 10 years. I’ve been flare free for the last 8 months (several level 5 pain days, but they were manageable), and as a result, I have indulged in all things on the “diet no no” list. Three weeks ago the symptoms came back, and now I’ve swung on the pendulum back to the strict no sugar, caffeine, or acidic foods. It’s back to veggies, beans, and oats. Yummmmmm (can you hear the sarcasm in my voice?)

I think that’s the most frustrating part of this disorder. It rears it’s ugly head whenever it pleases, inconveniently taking over my life. If I don’t eat my violators, I feel fine. But when I feel fine, it’s hard to have incentive to eat so strictly.

I have found myself very bitter and angry these last few weeks. I’ve questioned God, I’ve complained to Him, and I have tried making sense of why He has allowed this sickness in my life.

God reminded me of the words penned in Psalm 16:5 that says “He has assigned my portion and cup and has made my lot secure.” For some reason, God has allowed this somewhat painful and obscure sickness in my life. He made my body, and he understands how this affects me. His ways are higher than mine, and I have to trust Him. I have to trust that He can heal me, He wants to heal me, He wants to teach me dependence on Him and the ability to have joy admist this circumstance. If God allows this in my life, there is a reason.

I surrendered. All my questions, all my emotions, all my fears, all my anger, all my bitterness, all the dreams and goals I have for my life that are sometimes hindered by IC/PBS. I surrendered.

I was symptom free for almost 8 months…I have to believe that there are better days ahead.

Author: bethany

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